Forever Takes Work


The other day, I was getting out of my car and ready to tackle my extremely long grocery list. Grocery shopping is serious business with kids. I unloaded the munchkins and got them settled in the cart, then began walking. My steps were quick and swift. I know, when it's time to shop I don't have time to dawdle. I've got a two-year-old and a seven-month-old working against me, so every move must be in haste. As I neared the store's entrance, something caught my eye, and I slowed down...

A couple kissing. 
Not just any couple... an old couple. I'm talkin' late-seventies. 
And they weren't just kissing... they were lost in each other's lips. Completely enamored.
Her arms were wrapped around his neck so tightly. 
His arms were wrapped around her waist. 
It was beautiful to see

Why is it that an elderly couple showing affection is so heartwarming? This scene got me thinking. I thought back to one day I will never ever forget. I had been dating my now-husband for a few months and we were driving home from the beach in dead-stopped traffic. Inside the car in front of us was an old couple; you could see their silhouettes. They were rubbing noses, the woman, who was in the passenger seat, was stroking the man's hair and kissing his face. I breathed a romantic sigh and said something about how cute they were. Brian then said, in a perfectly normal tone- not angry or irritated at all, "They're probably having an affair." I felt my heart drop a little. I didn't say anything, but I remember thinking about it the rest of the drive home, and many times more afterward. How could he say that about such a sweet thing? I knew he was coming from a difficult childhood, and had a horribly dysfunctional marriage as a model from his parents, but still... the fact that that popped into his head and he said it like it was totally normal... it shattered a little piece of my heart.

I think people (most people, anyway) find affectionate elderly people so adorable because we all crave that. We all walk down the aisle on our wedding day with the hope of an eternal love affair. We all desire to be the couple that's always happy together, even in the tough times. We want to grow old together, die together. The problem is, nobody wants to do the work it takes to accomplish this. We all say we're willing; after all, it's pretty easy to make that promise when you're engaged to Mr. Tall Dark and Handsome and the butterflies are still there. But what happens if he gains sixty pounds? What happens if he withdraws and stops vocalizing his emotions? What happens if you disagree on parenting tactics? What if he becomes paralyzed?

Let the facts tell you what happens. Statistics say 50% of first-time marriages end in divorce

People change. Circumstances change. Life throws curve balls. God is in control, but you must rely on Him and stay true to your word in your marriage. You promised to stay. Tear out the root of the problem- don't allow the word "divorce" to even be a part of your vocabulary! 

Don't go to bed angry, give him a long, passionate kiss when he comes home every night, listen to him when he talks, make a weekly date night top priority, remember you are a wife first and a mother second, take your problems to God and not your husband, realize you cannot change him, only God can. And for me, the most important thing to remember is I am not his Holy Spirit

You committed your forever to this man. Recommit if you need to. Where he's at doesn't matter. You can make a change in your marriage without his cooperation. Make it happen and become that couple in the parking lot- old as dirt and passionately wrapped up in each other :)


  1. this is SUCH an amazing post! you linked to it in the guest post you wrote for my page and I LOVE this!!!!

    so so good!

  2. You are so right. My husband and I from the very beginning decided that the very best thing we can do for our future generations is to leave a love legacy. We feel it's important for us to have a strong marriage so that our daughter feels safe and stable and loved. Excellent post. By the way, my grandparents could have been those elderly folks. They were very much like that. :) Found you through Bloggy Moms.

    1. What a beautiful decision to make together right at the beginning of a marriage. It's also really good to hear that about your grandparents. How sweet it is to have a godly example in your life.


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