Being A Gracious Wife When You're Hurting


Each and every one of us falls short of the glory of God. We are sinful by nature, and if not for the grace of our Creator and the mercy of the cross, we would be suffering our deserved fate. Sometimes, we forget this grace applies not only to us, but to these guys we're married to as well.

Every husband has flaws too, inward battles he's fighting, and heart issues that God wants to touch and heal. We wives have all these things too, whether or not we'd like to admit it, but today I want to discuss something hard. What do you do when your husband has a major heart issue he just isn't dealing with? And what if you can see it damaging your marriage and family behind-the-scenes? What if talking to him about it hasn't changed anything?

I understand this so very much.

Let me be clear. I am not talking about any harmful habits like abuse or physical neglect of your children. I am talking about heart issues- emotional, spiritual, and mental habits that are not in line with the Word and God's will. The kind of things that make you hurt for your husband and angry at him for not breaking the cycle. These are the types of issues that lead to bitterness and break families apart. So what's a wife supposed to do when it has nothing to do with her, and her husband holds the only key to making changes, but won't use it?

After trying anger, screaming, crying, manipulating, fighting, pressuring him, praying for a little while then giving up, threatening, and every other non-godly trick in the book, I finally cried out to God. Through some godly counsel at a women's group and fervent prayer, I have since learned how God wants a wife to handle these very hurtful and disappointing circumstances. To be honest, I fail often, and will admit that this is a very hard road to walk, especially when you're not seeing changes and the enemy is feeding you his lies. But God is good, He is the healer of all areas in our lives, and His will for us is goodness, fullness, abundance, and joy everlasting! So anything we pray over our husbands that lines up with that will be blessed! It's a patience and timing issue ((the hardest issues to deal with!)).

Today I'm sharing the first thing I learned after handing this burdensome issue over to the Lord. He brought me to the over-used verse 2 Corinthians 10:5…

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.

I want you to do what I did on a day that changed my heart toward this issue with my husband, and re-read that verse very slowly, while thinking about what it is in your marriage that's causing you anger and resentment. "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." Wives, this is such a powerful key to our marriages! I began practicing this verse in my actions, and uhhh wow... I sucked at it, and it was very difficult, especially for me, as I am fairly....feisty. It physically hurt me to take my thoughts captive and keep them from becoming words. But let me tell you God rewards obedience! Not the way I wanted/expected him to ((by changing Brian)) but by changing me.

My heart became softer, a little at a time, and God began to show me some of my husband's hurt that was causing his heart issues, and keeping him from moving forward into positive changes. He began replacing anger with compassion, and bitterness with grace. Not one thing had changed in Brian, but I was becoming a different person! Our thoughts are not sins, but allowing them to linger and continuing to think upon things that are not good and praiseworthy is a sin, and this is where we must obey and take captive.

My challenge to you today is this: take your thoughts captive today, and command them into obedience to Christ. Don't let them fester and get to your heart, and do not allow them to become words! If you have a victory, share it on my Facebook page wall to encourage other wives to do the same. Let's tackle this problem that is defeating so many marriages across the world. Choose not to let your marriage have the most common fate by being the one who takes action!

1 comment:

  1. How right you are. Our focus needs to be on OUR walk with God. Thank you!


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